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I would be curious if anyone has a recommendation too. It’s been a long time since I’ve had Chartreuse and I don’t remember exactly what it tastes like. I needed it for some warm holiday drinks but couldn’t find it. I ended up getting Centerbe which tasted wonderful in what I made.
Out of curiosity, was this the dynamic growing up and prior to the move? I just wonder if your father is a narcissist. If you were always blamed while your siblings could do no wrong then there’s a strong chance that’s the issue.
Regardless, I’m so sorry about how your father has treated you. I feel like I can relate in some way. As an adult it’s taken some time to sort through those past issues. It’s hard to come to the realization that a parent can’t be what you want or need them to be.
Someone else in the comments mentioned therapy and I just want to echo that. There’s nothing wrong with it and I think everyone should do sessions with an expert in their life. I hope you can find some peace regardless. Best of luck OP.