I’ll give some background in the next paragraphs. You don’t have to read them if you don’t want to, the actual question is summarised in the title and the more elaborated version is given in the last paragraph.

I lost all my friends from school due to my shyness. We don’t even keep in touch anymore at all. Over the period I was applying to uni I got really depressed because of that fact because even though I couldn’t describe anybody in our group as my “best friend”, they were good enough to hang out with and I made a decent amount of memories with them.

I tried to make friends again in Uni but my tries to gather up together ultimately failed and I don’t even know why. Most of the people aren’t from the city our uni is in, so I suggested, multiple times, going on a walk together to see local landmarks, architecture etc, maybe go in some cafe together.

The biggest friend circle inside the group formed without me with people who lived in the dorms and some random guys who got into the circle in god knows what way. All events they throw they post in some own group in a messenger, which I’m not a member of.

So I stopped trying to become friends with them since it is really hard to break into an existing friend circle. Basically, I was too late to their “party”.

I did become friends with one guy from the group, though, but he is not really interested in hanging out together outside of uni, since he already has his group of good friends with whom he does hang out and did since middle school. This isn’t much, but at least I’m not all alone at uni now.

I try to go to events in uni as much as my shyness allows me to, but they never pay out. Nobody there is interested in making new friends and everybody seems to go there with their existing friend groups. Being a loner forces me to go through the cringiest ever process of trying to find a group that is welcome to outsiders and I end up being ignored most of the time.

I often find myself wanting to go to some festival, or pub, or non-uni event, but I have an immense fear cringing from my shy self and messing up. Overcoming shyness is already hard and every time it doesn’t pay off and everybody ghosts me I get depressed for a day or two.

So, do you have any tips on how do I make friends? Maybe any tips for making myself more approachable? Are there any places shy people can go to with the goal of meeting new people?

  • PorradaVFR@lemmy.world
    15·
    7 months ago

    You’re trying which takes a lot of courage - that’s the right attitude for sure. I’d suggest joining activities not just gathering places in subjects you’re passionate about or interested in. By that I mean like games, sports, arts etc - a class or club means you share similar interests (something to break the ice) and social context to interact. It’s more likely you’ll click with others that share your interest.

    So go to tour your local town in an organized group. Take a painting or pottery class. Join a recreational sport club.

    Good luck!

    • lifeadvice@reddthat.comOP
      3·
      7 months ago

      Thank you for the advice. It is really hard to find a class/club at that age, but I try. I joined a uni speaking club recently. It’s only 1-2 hours per week and sometimes gets cancelled due to how it is organised but I hope we will soon talk about some topic with which I will be able to approach others as a conversation-starter after the club ends

      • PorradaVFR@lemmy.world
        3·
        7 months ago

        I hope so too! Like I said, trying is a massive step and isn’t easy. Give yourself credit for that and be proud.