Sports bras also work very well, especially if you need to boy mode at work or around family.

Find ways that make you feel feminine and confident. Painting your nails, buying new clothes. It helps to have a friend who’s also fem around to help you navigate everything, but even if not there’s a lot of resources online.

Be patient. Prepare yourself emotionally. Emotional changes were some of the first I experienced. Having good friends and people to talk to can make a big difference.

It’s honestly hard to say exactly all the ways you can prepare. Starting on skincare and makeup can be good ideas, but its kinda daunting and not what I’d recommend concerning yourself about first. One of the other commenters mentioned exercise, which is great advice as is eating healthy. A lot of changes are hard to anticipate and how we all handle them can vary quite a bit.

Above all let yourself be excited!! Your wait is almost over :)

Your one experience does not invalidate the many atrocities committed against innocent civilians. Both by US army and contracted mercenaries.

I’m not devolving this into an endless cycle of you reiterating the same propaganda espoused by zionism. I have no interest in platforming you. But I will respond to this sentence in particular.

“You think because they were children, the soldiers should have allowed themselves to be killed?”

But they weren’t in any danger, were they? They saw a brown kid and shot them. Killing black and brown people is an American institution. America and its military are racist. They are Islamophobic. Muslims were literally portrayed as terrorists so pervasively in our media that Muslim people existing in public get murdered on a routine basis across the country. The American soldiers and hired mercenaries there literally went on killing sprees up and down the country mass murdering innocent families. They made impromptu mass concentration and torture camps. They laughed at what they did. They thoroughly enjoyed it. We made video games and movies and tv shows about it because the narrative was so pervasive that killing Muslims became a popular American pass time.

Again, you’re spot on comparing the mass murder of innocent civilians in the Iraq war to the ongoing slaughter of innocent civilians in Palestine. Just not at all in the way you think.

The fact that you would reference the inhumane slaughter of children during the Iraq war as a defense of the inhumane slaughter of innocent civilians in this exact context is absurdly oblivious to the reason those children were inhumanely slaughtered to begin with.

It wasn’t just a tragedy. It was an outrage. They shot kids cause they were Muslims. They shot them because they were black and brown. No part of it was a mistake. The soldiers and mercenaries deployed there by the United States military were racist. They were indoctrinated with racist ideology and literally told that the lives of literal children were expendable and, in fact, should be expended.

You unknowingly made the perfect comparison. The IDF is literally doing that exact thing. They’re spreading the same racism, the same Islamophobia, the same violent hatred. Which is exactly why they are just as condemnable and should face serious consequences for committing acts of mass violence against civilians - against literally children. This isn’t a mistake. It’s not an accident. You don’t bomb innocent men women and children for 2 months straight by accident.

It’s so insanely ahistorical, so utterly unaware of its own biases, so flagrantly dismissive of a the seriousness of the crimes being committed that I’m almost inclined to just call your post pointlessly inflammatory and intentionally cruel and walk away. But people are actually using the excuses you are in real life. With real lives involved. And so I think even if it were true that you’re just here to start a pointless argument, it is still worth it to respond to you. So that the people exposed to your propagandizing can see it for what it is.

Don’t feel guilty about wanting to pass. It’s a complicated issue that plagues most of us.

I havent used one (yet) but I plan to get and use an IPL device. My friends (cis and trans) all rave about them. Effectiveness can very based on your skin tone and hair type, but each model usually specifies what skin and hair it tends to work best on.

I’ve used an epilator and it hurts quite a bit, for me anyway. That and I’ve gotten ingrown hairs from them. Not for me.

Sure! :)

Take your measurements! Most brands post sizing charts for their clothing online, and you can use those as a good reference with what should fit you best.

Totally get you on shopping in person being intimidating. Shopping online can be great when they have charts, but make sure to read the reviews too!! See if people say that the clothing in question runs small or large, or if it’s generally true to size. That can give you an idea of if you should size up or down from what the chart says.

In cases where there’s no chart, you gotta give it your best guess. Sometimes, brands will list some of the basic measurements in the item description box. But ultimately, you’re gonna wanna know what the return policy is and how you can go about returning items that don’t fit quite right.

Sadly, there are some things that can be very difficult to size online, like bras, for instance. Going with bralettes or bandeaus or sports bras will be much easier at first. The subreddit a bra that fits has a calculator online that can help you out with finding your bra size using your measurements when you’re ready for that.

Personal advice, but if you’re new to women’s fashion and interested in styling for your body there are so many guides online to dressing ways that will flatter your figure and look great on you. They’re not the be all end all and you shouldn’t feel confined 100% by what they say, but if you’re like “I don’t even know what would suit me” it can be a great way to get some ideas :)

They work pretty great but you have to be very careful with them as they have chemicals in them that burn the hair off, which incidentally it can also do to your skin if you leave it on too long. It also smells absolutely brutal 😅 but some women swear by it!

I’m so sorry to hear that your procedure got delayed. Most awful feeling in the world when you’re getting so close and have to wait even longer. I hope that you have some support through that and that you’re holding up okay. :(

I think it’s completely understandable to delay coming out if you’d have to do it through a lot of pain and stress. This is all about you and what you feel up to doing, and it’s okay to wait until you truly feel ready to tell them. I also think your decision to visit them or not is totally fair and reasonable. With my family over the years, I’ve come down very hard on people who refuse to respect me. I correct misgendering or deadnaming no matter how awkward it is or what the circumstances are, and i have cut out some family for refusing to respect me, my partner, and my friends. All that to say that when it comes to your family respecting you, your feelings are always what should come first. I hope that they come around for you and make real efforts to respect your name and your gender. You deserve that support from them.

Let us know when you get confirmation of your appointment, and we can hype you up :) Don’t worry about not having a lot of positive feelings to share right now. The holiday season is so hard for a lot of trans folks, and having this space for transfeminine people to vent their feelings is a big priority of mine. We deserve that, and I love that we can have this space separate and distinct from any social media company and run and managed by a bunch of volunteer queer people.

You’re still a part of the trans community. Being a transgender person is what defines our community. The power structure of cisnormativity aims to oppress all of us whether we pass or not. You keep saying you have privilege in some capacity, but ultimately, you’re still transgender. You’re one of us. You have as much right to this community as anyone else. And checking your privilege doesn’t mean repeating that you are privileged all the time. It means accounting for your privilege when comparing your experiences to others. Bitter trans people exist. But that’s not all trans people or something. I’m not always visibly queer, and I still frequent trans spaces all the time. Most of my friends are cis lesbians and trans women.

I really don’t see how you want to get that connection through your line of work. You could become a sole provider for trans healthcare services? Stop providing other kinds of care? Like you just can’t go up to people and ask them questions like that. They have to talk to you about it. Wear your trans pride pins and consider a change in your career specialization. You can specifically provide services to trans people. I guarantee you that is needed wherever you live. It’s good that you find it rewarding, but there’s no simple way to attract trans people to your practice without advertising that you provide gender affirming care. And you’re their healthcare provider in those cases. There’s not any personal connection there. You play a part in providing services to them, but they are your patients, and fundamentally, that is a one-way relationship confined by the boundaries of medical care. What you described feeling like you lack you will not be able to get in that situation.

You keep consciously placing dividing factors between you and us. Transphobic cis people make no such exception. Totally cispassing trans women would’ve gotten sent to the camps, too, I’m afraid. They still have to see hate groups in the news, rallying in the street, calling for their deaths, and the deaths of people like them. If transphobic laws are enacted, they aren’t enacted with a “passing clause” or something. What makes us a community (vs. a disparate group only related by a shared trait) is that together, we are victimized by cisgender normativity. Together, we face external threats that seek to commit acts of violence against us. “Passing” as a privilege only exists within our community. To transphobic people, to cis people, that concept does not exist. It doesn’t magically mean that all the other elements of society that discriminate against us suddenly stop doing so. It’s the same reason that the “gay community” the “black community” exists and why things like a “straight community” or “white community” do not exist. Systems of power in society are applied to whole groups, and they are not applied selectively to individuals.

All this to say again, this is your community. Make it your own. We’re an amalgamation of many different personalities, cultures, experiences, and opinions. But we are all trans - and that has real consequences for our lives in a world that is not made for us. That’s what makes us a community. To feel genuine connection with other trans women, you have to stop separating yourself from us. Passing or not, saying things like “in many ways I’m not part of the community” just makes other trans people feel alienated. Constantly reiterating that you’re privileged just comes across as condescending and insensitive. Imagine anyone else doing that, just constantly bringing up their privilege. Like you’re trying to say that you’re not trans or something. Even the most deep stealth trans woman in the world is still a trans woman. Whenever that woman wants to feel genuine connection with trans people, she needs only say “hi I’m trans.” There are definitely trans people out there who are envious, judgemental, off-put by people who simply are stealth. They’re not even close to the majority, though.

I’d encourage you to try a new group. Try a support group. Try joining a discord server. Lots of simple ways to find other trans people and connect with them. Hang around here, answer questions, and partake in discussions we have. All transfeminine people are welcome here. Best of luck.

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It’s probably best not to approach people you don’t know and offer unsolicited transition related advice. Code words definitely aren’t going to be beneficial here either. Wear a trans pride pin. If someone asks for your help, then provide it.

There’s nothing particularly unique about supporting trans people. Be a supportive person. To some people, their trans identity is incredibly personal and private. Even if they don’t pass. By approaching others and offering them something they haven’t asked for, you’re likely to offend someone.

You’re a trans woman, too. I’m sure you know how it feels to be clocked and how demeaning it can be to have others assume that you being visibly trans is an open invitation to discuss anything and everything.

Yeah, I’d say be an open and tolerant person. The same way you would towards anyone else. If someone asks your opinion, asks for advice, or inquires about ways you can help, then support them. If someone confides in you, reassure them and affirm them. Otherwise, treat trans people the same way you would anyone else. Singling them out isn’t a way to go about this, and the way you described it sounds like some of your motivation for doing so is to interact with other trans people in some capacity. There are places to do this that aren’t a medical care facility. Join some trans support groups in your area, find discord servers focused on trans people, and go to LGBT friendly bars or clubs. There are loads of ways to meet other trans people and find a connection to your community. You do not have to live a solitary existence.

I hope that you’re able to get your diagnosis soon. Waiting is the worst. :(

Totally feel you on the Christmas with family deal. I really hope that if you do have to see them that they are accepting and supportive. Even when they are, you still have to sort through all the first questions and reactions, and I know how horribly anxiety inducing waiting to hear what people think can be. I’d honestly use the COVID, even if it’s already cleared up, as a bit of an excuse to limit contact, even if not outright refusing to go at all.

Yeah I really need to play Celeste 😅 I’ve seen people speedrun it and everything but somehow haven’t played it myself, even tho it’s totally my type of game lol.

This isn’t even the worst of it. We haven’t forgotten Nazi Germany, nor what the rest of the world did to us once World War 2 ended. They call for us to be forcefully castrated in private, but their true goal is the same as the rest of the organizations throughout history who have come together to “answer the question of the queers.”. They want us to be rounded up and shot.

Genocidal organizations such as those that promote conversion therapy should be banned, and individuals within them who promote such things should be prosecuted for hate crimes. But it’s become acceptable in the current political climate to ponder if committing acts of violence against us is right or not.

To be clear, having seen M.A.S.H, this is correct. And you’re right about the way that the narratives it plays into continue to be used to harm trans women.

Agreed. I havent watched season 2 yet and I really have to.

The wrestling one is just somewhat off kilter? It’s not outright transphobic, more just kinda silly. It doesn’t reference gender as an identity as much. More so gender as performance I’d say. It’s a comparatively brief portion of the episode compared with the Olympics based one. The rest of the episode is pretty great tho and is all about a misogynistic asshole getting his comeuppance from a downtrodden woman who’s always been told that fighting is for boy’s. It’s actually a great episode.

The Olympics one is self evidently transphobic. The premise is he’s not actually a woman, he’s doing it to beat fembots at the olympics. In the episode he undergoes hormone therapy and sex reassignment surgery… well the robot versions of those things. He is portrayed as having done this purely to win at sports. There has long been an established hate conspiracy narrative about trans women transitioning to beat women at sports. It was around back then, and this episode plays into the narrative quite a lot.

Futurama is my favorite animated show of all time. I love it with all my heart and for literally about a decade I skipped the gender bender Olympics episode every single time it came up. But I’ve come to appreciate some aspects of its very transphobic very misogynistic narratives. It’s not something I’d sit and watch for fun, but as time as passed some small moments have stood out to me as being kinda interesting deconstructions of what gender is and the complexities of personal identity. Like when bender struggles with the idea of “detransitioning”, even if it’s for the wrong reasons and doesn’t accurately portray any kind of transfeminine struggle in a genuine light. You can tell they sorta had half an idea what gender identity was and the ways in which trans people struggle with it. But the motives are never gender in and of itself, it’s never about who bender is but always what he gets from gender performances.

Make no mistake though. It’s among the worst. Not because it’s the most hateful vile episode of any animated show ever, but because it’s Futurama. I hold that show to a very high standard, as do a lot of people. They punched down on trans and gender diverse people there. They had no reason to do that. They played into a frankly insane amount of misogyny to make it all fit together too, in a way they hadn’t done as much with other episodes. Look at Kif, look at all his episodes and the many ways his character deconstructs gender and sex in positive ways that show tolerant and informed viewpoints. It’s not like they didn’t know how to handle gender complex characters.

But with that one episode they just really gave a big fuck you to gender diversity, to gender diverse people, to trans women, and broadly to gender and sexual minorities as a whole. The whole thing is profoundly disappointing to me to this day. It’s not enough to ruin the show for me, I love the show way too much for that. But it’s embarrassingly bad and dishearteningly bigoted from a show that I expect so much more from.

Lately its been skincare :) doing my daily routine makes me feel fresh bright and girly. Ive gotten really into it and the difference it makes on your face is amazing! Just taking good care of myself and my body makes me feel very feminine. Doing my hair every day, picking out my outfits, taking good care of my teeth. Investing time and energy into me. It feels good, and I try my best to do it each day.

It’s wild out there. I’m sorry you feel unsafe in your area and that you had to deal with vocal aggressive harassment. Transphobes are unbelievable. I’m fortunate to live in an area where I no longer have to deal with harassment like that. My thoughts are with everyone who has to consider their safety to exist in public every day. And I hope your mother comes around. It sounds like there may be some hope there. Just remember that your wants and your needs always matter. And that you shouldn’t have to feel like compromising about your identity is necessary to have healthy relationships. You might feel that way, and you may compromise, but don’t lose sight of the value of your own happiness and well-being.

In the future, I would ask that any posts with pictures of weapons in them be tagged NSFW at the least. Content warnings might be a good idea, too. I am not personally uncomfortable or bothered by firearms, nor am I opposed to vulnerable people carrying them for their own safety. I debated a lot internally about it, and I think that it’s okay here, but I want it to be possible for people who aren’t comfortable with them to be able to avoid them. Trauma and whatnot. There’s lots of reasons someone might not be. I thought quite a bit about it and am interested to hear other people’s opinions too, if they would offer them. For now I think I’ll add some examples of what “NSFW” constitutes on the community rules sections.